Bad Combinations

I know it's basically good to try new things. (Except things like murder obviously).

But recently I only seem to try things that are a combination of things that shouldn't ever be mixed. 

Exhibit A.

Macaroni Pie.

I happened to be in Scotland recently and saw this in Greggs.
My first thought was "Macaroni Cheese‽ In a pie‽ That sounds incredible!".
I know that a lot of people would of thought "Macaroni Cheese‽ In a pie‽ That sounds horrible!".
And they would be right.
It was disgusting, I could barely finish it, if I wasn't so hungry I wouldn't have.
For the sake of your own well being please never eat one.

Exhibit B.

Several weeks later I saw this in a pub.
Well, I like stout, and I like Chocolate. I expected it to taste like a fancy Hot Chocolate. Instead it was just a bit urrggg.
It wasn't as bad a the Macaroni Pie, but then again nothing is as bad as the Macaroni Pie.

I should of really learned something from this but if I ever see Ice Cream flavoured pizza, there is no way that I'm not trying it.

It's Armless.

All through my life people have a told joke when they've heard my name.

And it's this mans fault.

Upon hearing that my name is Louis Strong people say "You're missing an arm!". I first heard it before I could talk.
I understand it is a bit funny but I've heard it too many times.

If I ever have a son I will name him Neil so that he is victim to the same joke.

I don't think that my parents diberatly chose the name because the joke would follow but I suppose it is possible. Although I have heard my dad describe this as one of the greatest rock and roll songs ever.

(I know it isn't spelled the same but still).

Anyway, the reason I'm writing this is that today I realised how ironic it would be for me to actually lose an arm.

What a wonderful world.

My Favourite Hearse

I know that most people probably don't have a favourite hearse. But I do.
It's like having a favourite cash machine (The cockney cash points) or a favourite number (43.2×10¹⁵), you don't pick a favourite unless you happen to see an incredible one.
And I saw an amazing hearse.

It happened about three years ago, just a normal day. I was walking home from somewhere.
In the distance I notice a hearse. At first I thought it was a normal hearse, just a long black car driving slowly with flowers and stuff.
But then I spot a weird shape on the roof. I'm not sure what it is yet. I think it's made of flowers.
Closer now, yes it is definitely made flowers. It looks like a box, no it looks like tower. It's sort of mostly black with a layer of white on top. What is it?
It is a floral pint of Guinness.

I was amazed. I had never seen anything so incredible.
Here was someone who thought "Just because I'm dead that doesn't mean everybody has to be sad, I'm putting the 'fun' into 'funeral', putting the 'cor' into 'corpse', putting the 'ha' into 'hearse'". (I know that last one is a bit of a stretch).

At this point I was straining not to giggle at a funeral, I felt quite bad but this was brilliant.
Then it got better, because as the car went passed me, revealed in the window, three massive floral letters, spelling out one word.

'NAN'.

I could barely contain myself.

Paintjobs.

I like dicking about with MS Paint.
I like that I can a make a false image and have it look really shody and fake, that really pleases me.
I've demonstrated on here in the past with licence I designed for the Licence to Kill post and the picture of Anne Boleyn playing football.

Here are a few other examples of my mad paint skills from the past year or so.

1) For Christmas I put on my green jacket, posed as a Christmas tree, then added the decorations in paint afterwards.

 2) For my friends 20th birthday I put his face onto every face on the cover of Sgt. Peppers. Partly because the first line is "It was twenty years ago today" and party because it is quite funny.

 

3) Seeing as I have a toy dalek I thought it would be cool to get a picture of it threatening me. So I took a picture with surrendering on one side, then I took a close up of the dalek in the correct position, then I seamlessly patched the two images together.  

4) These last two aren't strictly paint but anyway.
When Facebook started allowing you to have a cover at the top of the page it didn't take me long to come up with this.

5) Along similar lines, on Google + you can have several small pictures instead of one big one. So I made it look like I have a really long arm and a massive hand. As you can tell from the colour of the wall behind, these are three separate images and the one of my hand is really a flipped picture of my right hand.

If you have any requests for things I could make in paint, please let me know.

Licence To Kill

Within the fictional world of James Bond to become a double 0 agent and receive your Licence to Kill, you have to kill two people.
This has some worrying consequences, for a start, does this mean that serial killers are allowed to go on killing after their second murder?
Secondly, in between the wannabe double 0s first and second kill they are technically a wanted murderer. What if they get arrested before they get to the second kill?

Also, if a licence carrying agent gets annoyed with someone in the street they are legally licensed to kill them, it would be a shame if a spy killed someone just because they were having a bad day.
And do people within James Bonds world call the police to report an "unlicensed killing"?

By the way, this is what I imagine a Licence to Kill looks like.

If you own a Licence to Kill you probably have to carry it with you when you want to kill.
It's no good saying "No really, I am allowed to kill people, I just left my licence at home".

Boleyn Ground.

Every so often I walk past West Hams football Ground in Upton Park.

I'm not really into sport but I was curious as to why it is called Boleyn Ground, so I did a bit of research.
The most common belief is that she stayed on the land once when it used to be a castle.

But then I dug a bit further and found that the real reason is because for the first six years of the teams existence, she was their star striker. Here is a photo that proves it.

She wasn't a great player, records show that in her entire profession career she only scored four goals, and two of those were because the keeper was scared of how Henry VIII might react if he saved them.

Despite this she was very popular among her team mates, who would note how she was never late.
It is fair to say that during this period she was the teams most dedicated player and then, after a spat with her husband, their most decapitated player.

People shouldn't ask for my opinions.

I often fill out online surveys and usually see them as a chance to have fun.
I'm not the only one, occasionally you hear about surveys to find what people hate most/ what people find most boring/ what people find most irritating, and so on. The number one answer is usually 'filling out surveys'. 

The following examples are from when my University has wanted my opinion on improving the course.

 Did you enjoy the practical side of this module?
"Yes. Deconstructing a thingy was really fun."

What did you think of the teaching of this module?
"There was very little teaching. And I often wasn't paying attention."

How could the maths lessons be improved?
"If the maths taught could be related to real life situations. That would be good.
Like in primary school. 'Jane has three apples, she eats one. How many apples does Jane have?'
It could be 'Jane has three apples and four imaginary bananas. She eats one apple and finds an imaginary tomato. How will Jane cope?'"

And this when the guild (our student union) asked 'What should the guild start doing?'
 "Handing out free cash."

A survey on the BBC website asked 'What do you dislike about the iPlayer site?'
"Well, it only does TV and radio.
It would be good if I could use it order food or buy DVDs or practice word puzzles.
But no, you decide that watching TV and radio is enough. Well it's not enough for me!
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, but I have been visiting other websites behind your back.

Please forgive me!"

I may add more examples as time goes on.