Oink

This is a poem I wrote based on a news story from last year. I have set the poem in a fictionalized medieval time. It may not be appropriate for children.

I'm a noble who does as he chooses
with eclectic tastes which sometimes he fuses
So I ask you what would be the harm
in mixing slap and tickle with stock from a farm?

So long ago, before my piety
when trying to enroll in a secret society
they said "Mr noble, you can talk the talk
but the real question is can you pork the pork?"

So I pulled down my breeches and pulled out my feeler
and stuck it straight into the mouth of the squealer
the memory so fond starts to awaken
at the smell of hog roast or sausage or bacon

So every third Sunday I sneak to the sty
for a little enjoyment with my favourite guy
he makes me wheeze and grunt and roar
then I say "Hey Babe, you're no boar"

The Number

"triskaidekaphobia"

Ok, that wasn't too bad.

It all started about four years ago, at the bowling alley, in lane number... you can guess.
I was holding a very heavy ball with a big 1 and a big 3 on the side. eugh.
I got distracted by the victory celebrations of lane twelve's winner.
The bowling ball slipped out of my hands and dropped on my foot.
An ambulance was called for.

"triskaidekaphobia, triskaidekaphobia"

Three, good so far.

After the 'twelve plus one' weeks it took until I could walk unaided, I started spotting it everywhere, as a sign that bad things were about to happen.
I was counting the spots on a ladybirds back, she had that number, she then flew into my mouth and down my throat. The **th computer in the library would always crash. I even got that number's ticket in the Christmas raffle, I asked if I could swap but they wouldn't let me. I didn't win.

"triskaidekaphobia, triskaidekaphobia, triskaidekaphobia"

Six down, seven to go.

It wasn't long before I learned that there was a name for my fear, the name meant I wasn't just being silly, it meant it was real. From then on I was alert for any, wherever they might be. I'd stop eating chips when there were fourteen left so that there would never be wrong amount on the plate.

"triskaidekaphobia, triskaidekaphobia, triskaidekaphobia, triskaidekaphobia"

Sometimes it wouldn't work, there was a trip to France and coach was number blahblahblah. I wouldn't get on it so they left me behind. I was promised that nothing would go wrong with the coach and nothing did. Maybe the thing that went wrong was that I wasn't on it.

"triskaidekaphobia"

This has gradually ruined my life. There is now one day a month where I don't go out if I can help it. There have been films I've not watched because of the screen they were in, streets I can't travel on the bus to, parties I have missed because of the door number, and friends who won't speak to me because of the parties I didn't turn up to.

"triskaidekaphobia"

This is starting to feel bad, only one to go.
Having been born on that day in May has sucked the joy from my past few birthdays. I want to ignore it this year again but I know that this year it wont go away. Whenever anyone asks what my age is I can't really respond by saying "I'm twelve and twelve months". I am going to have to spend the next year writing it down, so I need to get over this.

I knew it was coming, so I made a plan. If I could say the name of the fear that many times then maybe it wouldn't seem so bad. I don't think it will go away completely but this is a first step. A big step.

The first twelve aren't the problem, this last one has frozen me.











Come on, you can do this!

"TRISKAIDEKAPHOBIA!"



"Happy Birthday Sally!"
"Congratulations!"
"I'm really proud of you Sal, now who's ready to go bowling?"






[This story was originally written for breakupfear.com]

A Short History Of Sibling Rivalry

Let's have a quick look back at the history of sibling rivalry by reviewing some of the most tempestuous sibling arguments.

ROMULUS AND REMUS

Romulus and Remus were the mythical brothers who founded Rome. They were twins, so if it helps picture Danny DeVito as Romulus and Arnold Schwarzenegger as Remus. 

Romulus and Remus

The pair were discussing how they should arrange the aqueduct, roads, irrigation, medicine, education, wine, baths, order and peace. The topic then came up of what to call the city, Remus wanted it to be called "Wolfland" for their adoptive lupine mother, but Romulus being more narcissistic declared it should be called "Romulus' Outdoor Market and Entertainatorium!", later abbreviated to "Rome". 


As they couldn't agree what to call it they played rock, paper, scissors. Remus' rock crushed Romulus' scissors but then Romulus got into a mood complaining that game didn't count because paper wouldn't be invented for another 850 years. In a fit of rage Romulus picked up his shovel screaming about how it can break rocks and hit Remus in the head knocking him into an early grave. And the city of Romulus' Outdoor Market and Entertainatorium! was born. 

THE WRIGHT BROTHERS

On the 17th of December 1903, the Wright's made their first powered flight. 

The first flight

As it was so close to Christmas the pair decided to exchange gifts first. The conversation went as follows.

Wilbur: Hey Orvy before we start I'd like to give you this. Merry Christmas

Orville: Thanks Wil, Oh wow a sculpture of the two of us, with wings! I love it, I love it so much 

W: I've, er, been working on it at night for three months. So, um, what did you get me?  

O: Well I thought us working on the plane was a big gift to each other, so...  

W: We, we never said that. Orville you pulled this last year as well! You owe two Christmas presents now 

O: We've been really busy, how could I have had enough time to... You're right, I've been being selfish 

W: Yeah, you have 

O: Well it's not Christmas yet. I've still got time 

W: Okay 

O: And I'll tell you what, you can have the first go in the plane.  

W:Okay.  

O: Feeling better? 

W: a bit.

Despite Orville's attempts Wilbur was still a bit upset and the whole day felt awkward.

THE BRONTËS

The only evidence of the tension between Branwell and his sisters was from this painting he did of all of them in 1834. Because of rift between him and his sisters he later felt the need to paint himself out of it but here Branwells image has been restored. 

Anne, Emily, Branwell and Charlotte

NAPOLEON AND PAULINE BONAPARTE 

Napoleon

Pauline

Napoleon had a sister named Pauline, who was something of a tearaway. In 1806 Napoleon made her duchess and princess of the town Guastalla. While she enjoyed being a princess she didn't like the responsibility of being a duchess so she sold the duchy for 6000000 francs. (That was worth the equivilent of loads more in modern money. I'd have probably done the same thing.) 
Napoleon stopped giving her nice presents after that. 

When Napoleon got exiled Pauline sold everything she had to go look after him, so I guess they worked things out in the end.

Speaking of Napoleon...

THE LUMIÈRE BROTHERS 

Auguste and Louis were pioneers of cinema in the 1890s. Their sixth movie Les Forgerons originally had the title Crapoleon (which was an incredible offensive french swear word at the time though it has since disappeared from common use.) Crapoleon featured two blacksmiths hammering an anvil then getting drunk, satirizing Napoleons leadership and public profile. The brothers clashed over whether to use the swear word in the films title, a clash which ended in a brawl. 

In the end censorship won and Crapoleon was renamed to avoid controversy and the films satirical plot was lost. 

The 47 second film can be viewed here

I suppose the point of all this is don't fight with your sibling. It's rarely worth it. 

Judy The Donkey

I don't know how many donkeys are given graves. I guess if a donkey is given a grave it must be a pretty special donkey. I'd like to tell the story of one of Liverpool's forgotten heroes, Judy The Donkey (1905-1926).

This grave lies in Princes Park where Judy The Donkey (or JTD for short) famously gave children rides around the lake for no charge. On Judy's days off she could often be seen swimming in the Mersey or relaxing in Ye Hole In The Wall on Hackins Hey.

Although Judy was already a local celeb, it was an incident in October 1909 that made her a hero. A group of teenagers decided to see how many people they could fit on to on to one of the lake boats, the previous record was eight and they smashed it by fitting fifteen people on. Once the overloaded boat was in the center of the lake gravity took hold and the boat started to sink. As soon as JTD heard their cries for help she rushed to the edge of the lake, dived in, and one by one dragged all fifteen of the drenched delinquents to safety. 
No one was seriously injured and Judy saved the day.

From then on things went up and up for JTD.

Judy was the guest of honor at the opening of the Liver Building on the 19th of July 1911 and the organizers wanted her to cut the ribbon but unfortunately donkeys don't know how to hold scissors. Instead Lord Sheffield ceremonially smeared some peanut butter on the ribbon so that JTD would chew through it and therefore officially declare the Liver Building open.

Judy (second donkey on the left), on a day out in New Brighton

While attending the 1919 Grand National (as a spectator not a competitor) the look in Judy's eye as she watched the horses was reported to have been "Oh you fools, can't you see they're exploiting you! Making you run at stupid speeds while they whack you. Why do feel the need to degrade yourselves to this level?". The races winner, Poethlyn aged 9 from Bangor, was said to have given JTD a glance which said "Well if you don't like it why are you here? I enjoy my job and all of us who made it to the finish line are glad. Sorry if it's too exciting for the park donkey". Judy stormed out in a fit of rage. The pair made up the following year and became lifelong friends. Poethlyn later admitted that he had overreacted partly due to the fact that as he crossed the finish line the crowd were chanting Judy's name not his. 

By 1924 Judy had retired from public appearances, only returning to Princes Park on major holidays, always to crowds of fans and well wishers. As much as she adored her public, the constant intrusion into her private life was becoming too much to bear.

JTD passed away peacefully in 1926 surrounded by loved ones and was buried in the park that she had donated so much of her time to.

List of notable features of Princes Park

The Smithdown Barber Shop Quartet!

Unfortunately it's not a singing quartet, it's four barbers which are all really close to each other.

We'll start with Genesis. As that seems like a good place to start.

Obviously the name is in reference to that book. You know, This one.
You may notice that Genesis also offers tattoos and for the right price you can have a tattoo of your old hair style before they cut it in case you miss your old do.

Next we have...

Well I'm not exactly sure what it's called, it could be Ut Barber Shop or maybe Xut Barber Shop or most likely it's supposed to be Cut Barber Shop, although those scissors look nothing like a 'c'. Anyway you look at it it's a terrible name. They should have just called it The Barber Shop.

Speaking of which...

The Barber Shop, using all of their creativity and wit came up with the name 'The Barber Shop'. I mean fair enough it does do what it says on the tin but they could have called it anything. Snippy Joes, Time for a trim, Mop Tops, The Cutty Sark, Do the Do, The Flair Gut Wear Shut Hair cut!

And finally just a few blocks away from The Barber Shop we have...

The Barber Shop. Now, this 'The Barber Shop' is clearly nothing to do with the other 'The Barber Shop'. It's bad enough that one barber shop lacked the creativity to call their barber shop anything other than 'The Barber Shop' but two, come on! I don't know which 'The Barber Shop' came first and whether or not the second was aware of the first when it opened but I feel that if you are going to open a barber shop and call it 'The Barber Shop' you really should check that there isn't already a barber shop called 'The Barber Shop' nearby. But there they both are.

I mean I suppose it is possible for different shops near each other to have the same name and ownership but I don't think that's the case with 'The Barber Shop' and 'The Barber Shop', but I know it can happen a bit further down the road there are four related shops called Day & Night all within about a meter of each other. 

Anyway I feel the title promised some Barber Shop music so I'll finish with this.

P.S. Here is a map showing the locations of all shops mentioned.

Original Fish & Chip Shop Style Non Brewed Condiment

This is a bottle of Original Fish & Chip Shop Style Non Brewed Condiment. 

Non Brewed Condiment

It's like vinegar but it's made much faster. It legally cannot be called vinegar, so instead they chose the snappy title Original Fish & Chip Shop Style Non Brewed Condiment. 

Here are some suggested names for it which have an easier journey as they roll off the tongue. 

1. Vinegreat!
2. Sour Power
3. Drips for your chips
4. FakeShake

And finally 

     5. Vinogar

But I suppose it's too late to change it. So to help out the makers of Original Fish & Chip Shop Style Non Brewed Condiment (which I have not tried and have no wish to try) I have written them a jingle for their adverts.

It is simply titled Original Fish & Chip Shop Style Non Brewed Condiment.

If you want you're fish and chips to be a bit more fraudulent 
Try Original Fish & Chip Shop Style Non Brewed Condiment

The vinegar markets have been far too dominant 
They have malt and white and distilled and as a consequence
Our non brewed condiment is not so prominent
So please let us have a taste of that sweet opulence

Cos I am sure that one day there will be a monument 
To Original Fish & Chip Shop Style Non Brewed Condiment

The name is long but the stuff is heaven sent
It's Original Fish & Chip Shop Style Non Brewed Condiment
It's got caramel colouring and an oxidant
It's Original Fish & Chip Shop Style Non Brewed Condiment

So if you want you're fish and chips to be a bit more fraudulent 
Try Original Fish & Chip Shop Style Non Brewed Condiment

The Bear Truth

Ah Warwickshire.
Good ol' Warwickshire.
Shakespeare's County of course.

And when I think of Shakespeare the first thing that always comes to mind is a bear punching a cactus.

I'm sure I don't need to remind anyone that it's from the classic scene in Hamlet when the Terry the Bear gets drunk in the desert and starts a fight with the cactus.

Well done Warwickshire.

They'd Have Probably Found My Lack of Faith Disturbing

In the 80s in Liverpool, two bishops of rival franchises worked together to unite people and stop conflict. But that's not really important.

The cool thing about them is that they were massive Star Wars fans.

David Sheppard was the poster boy for the CofE team and his favourite character was Lando Calrissian.
Derek Worlock was the Archprayer for Catholic Crooners, he always loved Chewwie the best.

Over their many meetings they would arm-wrestle and have long discusions about the meaning and morality of the movies and argued about which was better out of Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. (Sheppard prefered Jedi, Worlock Empire).

As both men died in the mid–ninety's, they fortunately never had experience the prequels.

About ten years after they died a statue was commissioned of the Priestly Pair. It was soon remembered that they both said that if a statue was made of them it would have to as if they were frozen in Carbonite like Han Solo was at the end of Empire.

So their wishes were granted.

The statues can be found on Hope St. Opposite the Philharmonic.

David Sheppard in carbonite

Derek Worlock in carbonite

To Eat or Not to Eat...

This is Shakespeare's Globe.

You may recognise it if you've seen the Doctor Who episode 'The Shakespeare Code'.

Attached to it there is a Shakespeare themed restaurant, called the Swan.

Now, along three of it's windows there are Shakespeare quotes written which relate to food or cooking.
This is the first.

From a scene in Romeo and Juliet in which a servingman explains to Juliet's Father his method for choosing chefs.




Here is the second.

Again it's from Romeo and Juliet where the nurse tells Lady Capulet that the chefs need more ingredients.

And finally...

Now this one isn't a quote from on of his plays, but it something that William Shakespeare (The 17th century's Quentin Tarantino) said when he was working at a cafe in Brixton before he made it big as a playwright/ celebrity neck brace enthusiast. Records show that he moved from Stratford-upon-Avon to London to hit the big time, but like a lot of starlets he didn't have much immediate success so he had to take the cafe gig. His job was to stand outside shouting out the specials. Other things he is supposed to have said include "Bacon Sandwiches, 2 for 1" and "Soup of the day: Chicken!".

After six months in Brixton Shakespeare got his first play performed and soon went from 'Will the washout' to the 'Billy Big Shot' as he is known as today.

The Wedding House

Due to an accident in geography, my nearest shop happens to just sell wedding stuff.
This is what it looks like.

This is a bit annoying as it doesn't sell any of the stuff you need from a local shop. In order to rectify this I sent them the following email.


Dear Wedding House,

I like your building. It is very pleasant to walk past.

I am writing to you because you are my nearest shop, meaning if I want milk or bread I have to walk all the way to the 7/11.

Basically, it would be massively useful if you could start to sell groceries.
I mean you should keep doing wedding stuff but you should also have a fridge in the corner for people to buy everyday things.

Thanks. 


 I sent this email three weeks ago and they haven't even had the courtesy to reply. Talk about rude.

Official Cookie Stolen

Official Cookie Jar

Whitehall was shocked today when it was discovered that a cookie had gone missing from the Official Cookie Jar (pictured right). 

The Official Cookie Jar was first used when Prime Minister William Gladstone said "I feel a bit peckish" during Prime Ministers Questions in 1870. So fond was he of the Official Cookie Jar that in fact many people believe that the only reason he became Prime Minister a further three separate times was so that he could again be in charge of the Official Cookie Jar. 

When, this morning, a cookie was found to be missing a full investigation was launched. 
At first the investigation was fruitless, as there were no fingerprints on the jar and the CCTV was down due to a technical malfunction.

It was then decided that all ministerial offices should be searched for traces of crumbs.

Henry Jackman

The search was almost immediately cut short when a video was uploaded to youtube showing a red gloved Henry Jackman, Minister in charge of deciding what angle hats should be worn at (pictured left), removing the lid, taking a cookie out and pocketing it, replacing the lid and walking away. 

It is unknown who shot the footage, and as it was done secretly, from a phone, it could be anyone.

When cornered by the press Henry Jackman said "I have done nothing wrong, I don't know where the cookie is and anyway it isn't even me in the video, that man was wearing a tie, and I am clearly not wearing a tie".


The location of the cookie is still unknown.

Review of Play for Today by Ultrasound

This is a bit weird. One of my old teachers (Ms Best) has released an album (Play for Today) with her band (Ultrasound). I suppose I should be relieved that it was a music teacher rather than, say, a geography teacher.

I bought the album.

I hadn't heard any of the tracks or read any reviews, but I felt I had to buy it out of a odd sense of loyalty.

I'm glad I did though as the album is very good. It sounds well produced and all of the tracks have an epic feel to them. In a GCSE music lesson Ms Best once told us 'Don't shit in your own back garden', and she seems to have followed her own advice here.

For me, the stand out track is 'Between Two Rivers', which just hit me perfectly.


Here is a picture from the back cover of Ms Best pretending to apply make up.

It also came with some free stickers but I have absolutely no idea what to do with them.
Either way it's a decent album.

5 stars.

Bad Combinations

I know it's basically good to try new things. (Except things like murder obviously).

But recently I only seem to try things that are a combination of things that shouldn't ever be mixed. 

Exhibit A.

Macaroni Pie.

I happened to be in Scotland recently and saw this in Greggs.
My first thought was "Macaroni Cheese‽ In a pie‽ That sounds incredible!".
I know that a lot of people would of thought "Macaroni Cheese‽ In a pie‽ That sounds horrible!".
And they would be right.
It was disgusting, I could barely finish it, if I wasn't so hungry I wouldn't have.
For the sake of your own well being please never eat one.

Exhibit B.

Several weeks later I saw this in a pub.
Well, I like stout, and I like Chocolate. I expected it to taste like a fancy Hot Chocolate. Instead it was just a bit urrggg.
It wasn't as bad a the Macaroni Pie, but then again nothing is as bad as the Macaroni Pie.

I should of really learned something from this but if I ever see Ice Cream flavoured pizza, there is no way that I'm not trying it.

It's Armless.

All through my life people have a told joke when they've heard my name.

And it's this mans fault.

Upon hearing that my name is Louis Strong people say "You're missing an arm!". I first heard it before I could talk.
I understand it is a bit funny but I've heard it too many times.

If I ever have a son I will name him Neil so that he is victim to the same joke.

I don't think that my parents diberatly chose the name because the joke would follow but I suppose it is possible. Although I have heard my dad describe this as one of the greatest rock and roll songs ever.

(I know it isn't spelled the same but still).

Anyway, the reason I'm writing this is that today I realised how ironic it would be for me to actually lose an arm.

What a wonderful world.

My Favourite Hearse

I know that most people probably don't have a favourite hearse. But I do.
It's like having a favourite cash machine (The cockney cash points) or a favourite number (43.2×10¹⁵), you don't pick a favourite unless you happen to see an incredible one.
And I saw an amazing hearse.

It happened about three years ago, just a normal day. I was walking home from somewhere.
In the distance I notice a hearse. At first I thought it was a normal hearse, just a long black car driving slowly with flowers and stuff.
But then I spot a weird shape on the roof. I'm not sure what it is yet. I think it's made of flowers.
Closer now, yes it is definitely made flowers. It looks like a box, no it looks like tower. It's sort of mostly black with a layer of white on top. What is it?
It is a floral pint of Guinness.

I was amazed. I had never seen anything so incredible.
Here was someone who thought "Just because I'm dead that doesn't mean everybody has to be sad, I'm putting the 'fun' into 'funeral', putting the 'cor' into 'corpse', putting the 'ha' into 'hearse'". (I know that last one is a bit of a stretch).

At this point I was straining not to giggle at a funeral, I felt quite bad but this was brilliant.
Then it got better, because as the car went passed me, revealed in the window, three massive floral letters, spelling out one word.

'NAN'.

I could barely contain myself.

Paintjobs.

I like dicking about with MS Paint.
I like that I can a make a false image and have it look really shody and fake, that really pleases me.
I've demonstrated on here in the past with licence I designed for the Licence to Kill post and the picture of Anne Boleyn playing football.

Here are a few other examples of my mad paint skills from the past year or so.

1) For Christmas I put on my green jacket, posed as a Christmas tree, then added the decorations in paint afterwards.

 2) For my friends 20th birthday I put his face onto every face on the cover of Sgt. Peppers. Partly because the first line is "It was twenty years ago today" and party because it is quite funny.

 

3) Seeing as I have a toy dalek I thought it would be cool to get a picture of it threatening me. So I took a picture with surrendering on one side, then I took a close up of the dalek in the correct position, then I seamlessly patched the two images together.  

4) These last two aren't strictly paint but anyway.
When Facebook started allowing you to have a cover at the top of the page it didn't take me long to come up with this.

5) Along similar lines, on Google + you can have several small pictures instead of one big one. So I made it look like I have a really long arm and a massive hand. As you can tell from the colour of the wall behind, these are three separate images and the one of my hand is really a flipped picture of my right hand.

If you have any requests for things I could make in paint, please let me know.

Licence To Kill

Within the fictional world of James Bond to become a double 0 agent and receive your Licence to Kill, you have to kill two people.
This has some worrying consequences, for a start, does this mean that serial killers are allowed to go on killing after their second murder?
Secondly, in between the wannabe double 0s first and second kill they are technically a wanted murderer. What if they get arrested before they get to the second kill?

Also, if a licence carrying agent gets annoyed with someone in the street they are legally licensed to kill them, it would be a shame if a spy killed someone just because they were having a bad day.
And do people within James Bonds world call the police to report an "unlicensed killing"?

By the way, this is what I imagine a Licence to Kill looks like.

If you own a Licence to Kill you probably have to carry it with you when you want to kill.
It's no good saying "No really, I am allowed to kill people, I just left my licence at home".

Boleyn Ground.

Every so often I walk past West Hams football Ground in Upton Park.

I'm not really into sport but I was curious as to why it is called Boleyn Ground, so I did a bit of research.
The most common belief is that she stayed on the land once when it used to be a castle.

But then I dug a bit further and found that the real reason is because for the first six years of the teams existence, she was their star striker. Here is a photo that proves it.

She wasn't a great player, records show that in her entire profession career she only scored four goals, and two of those were because the keeper was scared of how Henry VIII might react if he saved them.

Despite this she was very popular among her team mates, who would note how she was never late.
It is fair to say that during this period she was the teams most dedicated player and then, after a spat with her husband, their most decapitated player.

People shouldn't ask for my opinions.

I often fill out online surveys and usually see them as a chance to have fun.
I'm not the only one, occasionally you hear about surveys to find what people hate most/ what people find most boring/ what people find most irritating, and so on. The number one answer is usually 'filling out surveys'. 

The following examples are from when my University has wanted my opinion on improving the course.

 Did you enjoy the practical side of this module?
"Yes. Deconstructing a thingy was really fun."

What did you think of the teaching of this module?
"There was very little teaching. And I often wasn't paying attention."

How could the maths lessons be improved?
"If the maths taught could be related to real life situations. That would be good.
Like in primary school. 'Jane has three apples, she eats one. How many apples does Jane have?'
It could be 'Jane has three apples and four imaginary bananas. She eats one apple and finds an imaginary tomato. How will Jane cope?'"

And this when the guild (our student union) asked 'What should the guild start doing?'
 "Handing out free cash."

A survey on the BBC website asked 'What do you dislike about the iPlayer site?'
"Well, it only does TV and radio.
It would be good if I could use it order food or buy DVDs or practice word puzzles.
But no, you decide that watching TV and radio is enough. Well it's not enough for me!
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, but I have been visiting other websites behind your back.

Please forgive me!"

I may add more examples as time goes on. 

How Ernie Rough discovered the structure of the atom.

During an A level physics mock test, the following was asked.

"Describe how Rutherford discovered the structure of the atom".

This was my answer.


Early 20th century celebrity scientist Ernest Rutherford, or Ernie Rough as his friends called him, wasn't happy with the plum pudding model of atoms that existed at the time. 
So Roughnuts, in a move that was completely ground breaking, decided to fire some alpha particles (also know as Helium nuclei) at a sheet of gold. Gold of course being his favourite colour.
What Ernie observed was that although some of the alpha particles were being deflected straight back as the plum pudding model would suggest, a lot of them passed straight through the gold and some were being deflected at strange angles.
From this the Roughernator determined that most of an atom was empty space and that all the all the important bits were packed together in the middle. And that is why the Ruffian is still considered to be a top notch scientist.


I should point out that although there is a lot of nonsense in there, the science is correct and I got the marks for it.