To Eat or Not to Eat...

This is Shakespeare's Globe.

You may recognise it if you've seen the Doctor Who episode 'The Shakespeare Code'.

Attached to it there is a Shakespeare themed restaurant, called the Swan.

Now, along three of it's windows there are Shakespeare quotes written which relate to food or cooking.
This is the first.

From a scene in Romeo and Juliet in which a servingman explains to Juliet's Father his method for choosing chefs.




Here is the second.

Again it's from Romeo and Juliet where the nurse tells Lady Capulet that the chefs need more ingredients.

And finally...

Now this one isn't a quote from on of his plays, but it something that William Shakespeare (The 17th century's Quentin Tarantino) said when he was working at a cafe in Brixton before he made it big as a playwright/ celebrity neck brace enthusiast. Records show that he moved from Stratford-upon-Avon to London to hit the big time, but like a lot of starlets he didn't have much immediate success so he had to take the cafe gig. His job was to stand outside shouting out the specials. Other things he is supposed to have said include "Bacon Sandwiches, 2 for 1" and "Soup of the day: Chicken!".

After six months in Brixton Shakespeare got his first play performed and soon went from 'Will the washout' to the 'Billy Big Shot' as he is known as today.

The Wedding House

Due to an accident in geography, my nearest shop happens to just sell wedding stuff.
This is what it looks like.

This is a bit annoying as it doesn't sell any of the stuff you need from a local shop. In order to rectify this I sent them the following email.


Dear Wedding House,

I like your building. It is very pleasant to walk past.

I am writing to you because you are my nearest shop, meaning if I want milk or bread I have to walk all the way to the 7/11.

Basically, it would be massively useful if you could start to sell groceries.
I mean you should keep doing wedding stuff but you should also have a fridge in the corner for people to buy everyday things.

Thanks. 


 I sent this email three weeks ago and they haven't even had the courtesy to reply. Talk about rude.

Official Cookie Stolen

Official Cookie Jar

Whitehall was shocked today when it was discovered that a cookie had gone missing from the Official Cookie Jar (pictured right). 

The Official Cookie Jar was first used when Prime Minister William Gladstone said "I feel a bit peckish" during Prime Ministers Questions in 1870. So fond was he of the Official Cookie Jar that in fact many people believe that the only reason he became Prime Minister a further three separate times was so that he could again be in charge of the Official Cookie Jar. 

When, this morning, a cookie was found to be missing a full investigation was launched. 
At first the investigation was fruitless, as there were no fingerprints on the jar and the CCTV was down due to a technical malfunction.

It was then decided that all ministerial offices should be searched for traces of crumbs.

Henry Jackman

The search was almost immediately cut short when a video was uploaded to youtube showing a red gloved Henry Jackman, Minister in charge of deciding what angle hats should be worn at (pictured left), removing the lid, taking a cookie out and pocketing it, replacing the lid and walking away. 

It is unknown who shot the footage, and as it was done secretly, from a phone, it could be anyone.

When cornered by the press Henry Jackman said "I have done nothing wrong, I don't know where the cookie is and anyway it isn't even me in the video, that man was wearing a tie, and I am clearly not wearing a tie".


The location of the cookie is still unknown.

Review of Play for Today by Ultrasound

This is a bit weird. One of my old teachers (Ms Best) has released an album (Play for Today) with her band (Ultrasound). I suppose I should be relieved that it was a music teacher rather than, say, a geography teacher.

I bought the album.

I hadn't heard any of the tracks or read any reviews, but I felt I had to buy it out of a odd sense of loyalty.

I'm glad I did though as the album is very good. It sounds well produced and all of the tracks have an epic feel to them. In a GCSE music lesson Ms Best once told us 'Don't shit in your own back garden', and she seems to have followed her own advice here.

For me, the stand out track is 'Between Two Rivers', which just hit me perfectly.


Here is a picture from the back cover of Ms Best pretending to apply make up.

It also came with some free stickers but I have absolutely no idea what to do with them.
Either way it's a decent album.

5 stars.

Bad Combinations

I know it's basically good to try new things. (Except things like murder obviously).

But recently I only seem to try things that are a combination of things that shouldn't ever be mixed. 

Exhibit A.

Macaroni Pie.

I happened to be in Scotland recently and saw this in Greggs.
My first thought was "Macaroni Cheese‽ In a pie‽ That sounds incredible!".
I know that a lot of people would of thought "Macaroni Cheese‽ In a pie‽ That sounds horrible!".
And they would be right.
It was disgusting, I could barely finish it, if I wasn't so hungry I wouldn't have.
For the sake of your own well being please never eat one.

Exhibit B.

Several weeks later I saw this in a pub.
Well, I like stout, and I like Chocolate. I expected it to taste like a fancy Hot Chocolate. Instead it was just a bit urrggg.
It wasn't as bad a the Macaroni Pie, but then again nothing is as bad as the Macaroni Pie.

I should of really learned something from this but if I ever see Ice Cream flavoured pizza, there is no way that I'm not trying it.

It's Armless.

All through my life people have a told joke when they've heard my name.

And it's this mans fault.

Upon hearing that my name is Louis Strong people say "You're missing an arm!". I first heard it before I could talk.
I understand it is a bit funny but I've heard it too many times.

If I ever have a son I will name him Neil so that he is victim to the same joke.

I don't think that my parents diberatly chose the name because the joke would follow but I suppose it is possible. Although I have heard my dad describe this as one of the greatest rock and roll songs ever.

(I know it isn't spelled the same but still).

Anyway, the reason I'm writing this is that today I realised how ironic it would be for me to actually lose an arm.

What a wonderful world.

My Favourite Hearse

I know that most people probably don't have a favourite hearse. But I do.
It's like having a favourite cash machine (The cockney cash points) or a favourite number (43.2×10¹⁵), you don't pick a favourite unless you happen to see an incredible one.
And I saw an amazing hearse.

It happened about three years ago, just a normal day. I was walking home from somewhere.
In the distance I notice a hearse. At first I thought it was a normal hearse, just a long black car driving slowly with flowers and stuff.
But then I spot a weird shape on the roof. I'm not sure what it is yet. I think it's made of flowers.
Closer now, yes it is definitely made flowers. It looks like a box, no it looks like tower. It's sort of mostly black with a layer of white on top. What is it?
It is a floral pint of Guinness.

I was amazed. I had never seen anything so incredible.
Here was someone who thought "Just because I'm dead that doesn't mean everybody has to be sad, I'm putting the 'fun' into 'funeral', putting the 'cor' into 'corpse', putting the 'ha' into 'hearse'". (I know that last one is a bit of a stretch).

At this point I was straining not to giggle at a funeral, I felt quite bad but this was brilliant.
Then it got better, because as the car went passed me, revealed in the window, three massive floral letters, spelling out one word.

'NAN'.

I could barely contain myself.